How impertinent you are to write to me about Mr. Grahame-Smith, as if I had any opportunity to work on this novel together with him. To suggest that we have been engaged in a private correspondence would be scandalous! He is of no acquaintance of mine, although he has made higher claims to a Friendship between us. It would shock Mama and Papa if they were to learn of any illicit relations between Mr. Grahame-Smith and I.

Having secured the book, I resigned myself to a quiet evening of reading, curious to learn of this variation on my beloved P&P.

P&P&Z, in many ways, has still retained a good part of P&P although its people have been stricken with a gross Malady. Rather, the whole of England is suffering from a certain Affliction of the mind and body. The characters have become zombies. Charlotte Lucas has also been similarly inflicted with this condition although she is still the creature of reason and practicality that I first made her out to be. Her dreadful condition only reminds me that anything is to be preferred or endured rather than marrying without Affection.

My opinions on Elizabeth remain unchanged. I still think her as delightful a creature as appeared in print and am only relieved that Mr. Grahame-Smith has taken such meticulous care to make Elizabeth such a feminine warrior, while retaining all the proprieties of society. I dare say that even Henry who has been in the military will not be able to match up against Elizabeth's skills of Control over the Katana (an Asian weapon). But do not tell Henry I said that, he would not like to think his military training to be useless against a woman.

Darcy's character and attachment to Elizabeth remain unchanged. His situation in life, family, friends, & above all his character - his uncommonly stubborn pride and strict principles have only been further recommended by his honed fighting skills.

The women in P&P&Z are not any different from you and I. Only the currency has changed. O I can imagine Mama's horror if I were to ever inform her that I would like to exercise my spirits by kicking up my petticoats. Teas would spill in the drawing-room!

I am not insensible to the impropriety of such Afflictions, and the spilling of Blood that the public is reading so enthusiastically. I assure you that it is a great cause for censure, but nonetheless, the public seems to enjoy its scandalous nature. To think that my innocent scribblings of the plight of women in our society has been reenacted in a world so foreign to the England we know!

I will not say that it has no literary or moral Merit in the least, and neither will I say that it does. You know how I enjoy teazing.

Mr. Grahame-Smith has all the recommendations of ease & goodhumour & unaffectedness, despite his impertinence of suggesting a friendship between an unwed woman and man. But then, as I have said to you before, I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal. I am sure that such impertinence, a rare trait in society, has two causes: One, that they have the power to lord over the rest of us, or Two, he does not care very much of what society thinks. If it be the latter, I dare say that he will make a very fine acquaintance of mine.

It is a cold day, but bright and clean. I am reassured that its coldness will not conjure any staggering body nor will its frigidness aid in the blooming of any corpses in Chawton. My dear, I hope you read it before Spring because you would think twice before venturing into the garden unaccompanied.

I have enclosed my copy with this letter for your enjoyment. I'm looking forward to hear what you have to say about this scandalous variation of my work. Maybe I could suggest to Egerton to put your paintings instead of this portrait of bared Bones.

For your Diversion, I have also enclosed a strip of pictures called "Comics" that was drawn by one of the Admirers of P&P. I am sure you will appreciate the detail and wit in it as I have.

With best love, &c., I am affectionately yours,

Works Consulted:

Chapman, R W. Jane Austen: Selected Letters. Oxford; New York: Oxford University Press. 1985. Print.